The shortest celebrity marriages ever – in honor of Ernest Borgnine's passing

They said it wouldn?t last?

Poor?Kim Kardashian. She was pilloried by the press after announcing the end of her 72-day marriage. Doesn?t the world realize that her Hollywood marriage to Kris Humphries was practically a marathon compared to some? Honestly, her marriage lasted?72 TIMES?longer than one of?Zsa Zsa Gabor?s, and?288 TIMES?longer than?Rudolph Valentino?s!

Here are a few examples of wedded bliss of which Tinseltown is made?

Britney Spears and Jason Alexander?55 hours

A Vegas wedding with your childhood sweetheart. There is nothing I can say that hasn?t already been said. Really.

Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman?.nine days

He is still bitter she got to wear the wedding dress.

Kenny Chesney and Renee Zellweger?.four months

In what some speculate as a response to growing questions regarding Chesney?s private life, the actress and country superstar married in May of 2005 following a?shall we say ?whirlwind? courtship. Four months later, she filed for divorce, citing ?fraud.? She later tried to quiet the media firestorm by saying ?fraud? was simply a ?legal term.?
Chesney has not remarried.

Lisa Marie Presley and Nicolas Cage?.three months

Her marriage to Michael Jackson lasted longer than this one. Is it just me, or does anyone else think that was probably one SCARY household for three months? It takes a LOT to upstage a marriage to the King of Pop, but the daughter of the King of Rock and Roll managed to find a suitable substitute for media fodder. Cage admitted to having an obsession with Elvis Presley. Ummm?.ok.

Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman?.32 days

For one month in 1964, Borgnine said he lived ?hell on earth.? The one-month marriage also was addressed in Merman?s autobiography?as a blank page.
?It was the biggest mistake of my life,? Borgnine said. ?I thought I was marrying Rosemary Clooney.?

Perhaps it was hearing Merman?s disco album that pushed him over the edge.
Borgnine was married five times; Merman was married four.

Dennis Hopper and Michelle Phillips?.eight days

Phillips of the Mamas and the Papas married Hopper after being subjected to all forms of debauchery from her first husband, bandmate John Phillips (who, notorious for seducing young girls, met Michelle when she was just 16).
Following her ?lost years,? one would think she would have been ready for a quiet, domestic-kinda life. Dennis Hopper would not have been my first choice for the white picket fence.

Rudolph Valentino and Jean Acker?.six hours

On Nov. 6, 1919, Hollywood heartthrob Rudolph Valentino married actress Jean Acker. Six hours later, the marriage was over, and Acker locked Valentino out of their love nest.
In an ironic twist, Valentino is widely regarding as being homosexual, yet most historians now agree that was not the case. Acker, however, was pressured into a marriage with a high-profile male celebrity to hide the fact she herself was a lesbian?and who better than what many considered the sexiest man alive?

And the award goes to?

Zsa Zsa Gabor and Felipe de Alba?.one day

True, Valentino?s wedding was shorter by nearly 18 hours (what is that in dog years?), but Zsa Zsa still gets the crown due to the fact that this was her eighth of nine marriages. I think that buys her a place in The Ridiculous Marriage Hall of Fame.
Plus, she slapped a cop.

Honorable Mention: Marrying the biggest doofus

Mario Lopez and Ali Landry?.two weeks

Lopez messed around at his bachelor party. With actors present. And cameras. And mutual friends of the bride.
Seriously? ?Nuff said.

Honorable Mention: If at first you don?t succeed?

Pamela Anderson?was married to?Kid Rock?for 114 days, and toRick?Salomon?for 60 days. She married?Tommy Lee?after knowing him for 96 hours. They also made a sex tape on their honeymoon. Following their divorce, she bragged about occasionally ?getting together? with Lee, and eventually contracted Hepatitis C from him.
She also made a sex tape with Poison?s?Bret Michaels?(but did not marry him).

Hmmm?maybe this should be revisited?

Aw, heck, Zsa Zsa, I love ya, but I think we need to give the Happy Homemaker Award to Pamela. Nine marriages can only go so far when compared to sex tapes and STDs.

One thought on “The shortest celebrity marriages ever – in honor of Ernest Borgnine's passing

  1. Great post, Fred! I think Kim Kardashian got a lot of attention because her fiasco happened at a time where gay marriage is being debated and many politicians claim it would cause a disrespect of marriage. As seen in each of these cases, the participants obviously don’t take the bond too seriously.

    And I agree with you – Pam takes the cake simply because her marriages involve being gutter trash, not just a “blink and you’ll miss it” bride.

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